1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
