Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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