He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
