apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
