It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
