What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
