Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
