guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
