I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize