I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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