dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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