it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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