Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
