I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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