should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
