if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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