bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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