Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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