Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to have your abortion
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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