Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize