I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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