Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
