I want to have your abortion
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
