Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
