I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
