I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize