He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
