i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
