Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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