It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
