Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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