i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
