Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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