I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
