I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
