I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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