Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
