You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
