Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
