I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So here I am, sexting at work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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