legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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