hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
