That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
