I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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