I look better un-naked...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
