Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So many bounce houses so little time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
