We're like a lot better than the average bears
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
