I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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