Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pooping to opera.
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