I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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