I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
