Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
