ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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