I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
