I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
