would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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