In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
