I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
