Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize