Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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