Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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