These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
