he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize